forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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