Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so let's talk penis.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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