ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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