fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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