I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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