I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize