i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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