i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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