remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
