My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
