Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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