There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
