Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
