brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
