i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
