I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Randomize
