is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
