mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
is that a dick in a sweater?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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