Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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