Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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