When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
