3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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