I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
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I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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