I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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