i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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