fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize