Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
