Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
