drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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