How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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