If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
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