Please, let me fuck your mom
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
