areolas are like halos for boobs.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
In other news, I just burned my penis
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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