Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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