there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
