Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
