Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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