We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize