she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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