your thong is hanging out like whoa
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
