I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
