she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
