Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
