i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
