Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
