i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize