I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
