I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
