Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
