wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
