okay pat passed out under dana's car
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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