Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
