I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
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uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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