cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
