South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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