I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
