toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
