Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
