no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
