I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
