I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
