I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
