Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
