I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
