Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
