If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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