I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
