well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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