i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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