I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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