I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
