my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
