you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
