On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
