My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
