You're completely useless in the revolution.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
