this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the jesus of drinking
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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