just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
