I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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