I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
