Already got asked if we're dating
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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