Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
