How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
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It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
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I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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