The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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