He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
