I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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